Empowering young mothers to be able to enjoy these early years with their children as much as possible.
About Me
I'm Alana, a mum of 3 who is passionate about helping mothers in the early stages of motherhood, achieve a balanced and happy lifestyle with their little ones. I believe in a strong family unit, and strive to empower mothers to step into their role as the leader of their family by putting the focus on themselves without constantly trying to deal with their children's behaviours or their demands.
After having 2 under 2 and struggling every single day with my babies at home with minimal support, I realized that all of the behavioural tips for toddlers, although it meant well, just wasn't cutting it. It was then that I decided to focus on myself and my own nervous system and self-care, driven by my desire to enjoy my life again, with my children, without feeling like I had to wait years and years before it got any easier.
I started experimenting with being more self-aware while my toddler refused to do as I say or have long tantrums, or while my baby had hours of colic in the witching hour and I struggled internally.. Over time, I managed to find strategies and tools that essentially changed my life, by helping me feel like I didn't have to just suffer and endure this rough season, which made me a happy, energetic and empowered mum.
my turning point
When I was pregnant with our second baby, I snapped at my firstborn for the first time in her little life. I still remember the moment when she couldn't decide what to eat from the fridge (mind you she couldn't even talk at this stage), in her sweet little frilly top and her hair up like a pineapple, and she got a shock and shuddered when I snapped. She just looked down at the ground, then quickly made her choice, and walked away to eat in front of the TV.
I wish it ended there.
Over the coming months, the snapping got worse, as I dealt with another colicky newborn who wouldn't sleep for longer than 30 minute stretches and would only sleep while being held. I was depleted, and dealing with severe sleep deprivation while trying to spend time with my firstborn when I had a second between feeds and catch-up naps. My partner also worked nights sometimes at the time, so I was in a state of pure survival. I now realised what all those older mothers meant when they said "it's hard work". That's to say the least...
It felt like a season I had to endure, as well as my family. They had to just simply deal with me yelling when I wasn't coping, and they had to get over it feeling unmanageable and insane at home while we were in this transition.
But what happened was, it didn't end when the newborn phase ended. It kept going. Now it was this "life with kids" lifestyle that I had to endure. I loved my babies, the sleeping got better, we had more structure and my baby would be happy to play, but every day still felt really long, and really hard. I couldn't believe it was THIS hard. I wondered how other mums were doing it. When I posted once on my instagram stories asking how other mums were coping through bath and bedtime, one responded to me - "we're not".
I wondered if there was something out there that could help. I wondered if maybe there was some secret I didn't know about, or if there was some sort of solution. I used to google how to cope with certain behavioural issues with my toddler, like "why does my toddler push boundaries?", and I'd just be faced with things like "because they're little and that's what they do, they're supposed to because they're learning."
But if that was the case, then how the heck was I supposed to deal with that day in, day out?! I hated being the yelling mum, the angry mum who always felt like I was in a constant battle with my little ones. If their behaviour was developmentally normal, then why would I lose my brain every time they didn't follow instructions or when they made huge messes?
A facebook ad got me curious about a mindful parenting course. I put my email in for some more info, and that's when the subject line hit me: you're being lied to.
When I opened it, Hunter Clarke-Fields, creator of Mindful Mama course, explained no matter how much you try and use the amazing tips and tricks from everyone on how to deal with toddler behaviour, if you're not good in yourself, you won't be able to carry out any of it and see it through. That, to me, really hit home. I couldn't handle my toddler not doing as I say, and I very well couldn't bring myself to be playful in trying to get her to do what I wanted after she just refused. I knew it was me. I wasn't coping. I wasn't dealing well. I was hating this new role that I didn't realise I had entered into. I mean, maybe I did know what I was entering into, but I thought I'd be able to handle my own kids, despite all the warnings from older mothers when I was pregnant, because surely when they're your own, it's easy - right?! Hmmmm. Think again. Could actually make it harder...
In the coming weeks and months, I delved into everything around these topics of becoming a mother. About self-regulation, about our beliefs about ourselves and how they impact on how we parent, about our role as the leader of our family, about establishing rules in the home and how they're a good thing and lead to a happier family - and a happier mum. All the things I wanted. Because really, it's that simple, isn't it? At the end of the day, we just want to be the happy mum, with a beautiful happy family.
Now, I'm certainly not perfect. I still have moments I'm not proud of where I yell at the kids and I get tired of the constant mess to clean up (and demand they get up and help). But, I know where to look now when I am having a rough day or a hard time. I know the friction points, and how to navigate through it. I know about good communication, boundaries, my own limits, my own happiness, and how to run a family home that feels good for everyone. And, most of all, I am happy. My energy is lighter. My energy feels good. I laugh and smile and play a lot. I don't feel completely depleted and over it, counting down to bedtime every day.
stop the search for answers
I remember spending so much of my time scrolling and looking for answers. I didn't even know what I was looking for, but I was always wondering if there was anything out there that could give me some hope.
I remember googling one time, "when does it get easier?" and the top answer in an online forum was, "when they're about 6 years old." When I did the math, because we wanted 3 kids, I realised that was going to be a decade or more of me pulling my hair out, day in, day out.
I refused to let that be my life, be my reality.
So I started doing courses, I started reading books, I started looking at myself and my role as a mother and started to see myself as a leader. Raising a family is a huge role to take on. So many of us just wing it, follow what everyone else is doing, and hope that when our little ones turn into adults, that we've done a good enough job. That wasn't enough for me. I didn't want good enough. I wanted a beautiful life with my family. I wanted to be an energetic, happy mum, who had in-jokes with my kids, and kisses and hugs at bedtime, knowing we had a fun day together. I wanted my kids to want to confide in me, and look up to me. I didn't want more brokenness in my life than I already had.
And, I got it. I now get to live that life - and my youngest as of writing this sentence isn't even 1 yet. I don't have to wait until she's 6 for my life to get better or easier. It's better and easier right now, today. I have so many tools and skills up my sleeve for those harder days, and I am no longer in survival mode. I shower every day. I exercise in the mornings sometimes with my kids (although I don't try and achieve HIIT workouts anymore haha). I am mostly overall calm, happy, and balanced in myself. My kids are not the reason for my struggles.
I'm not about to tell you to meditate every day, or breathe in and out all day long to cope (although that does help sometimes lol). I'm also not about to tell you to spend time away from your kids or ask anyone to help and come look after them for you.
This is about empowering YOU to step into your role as a mum, without surviving every day. It is about helping you see that this gets to be your MAIN ERA. It's about finding your flow in motherhood, figuring out what works for you and your family, and stepping into your next level self.
It is about realising (*warning lightbulb moment ahead haha*) that this season of motherhood is actually what is going to make you into the woman you always dreamed of being when you were little. You know when we all look towards our older self after school is finished, as the confident young woman who has it all figured out? And then we get there, only to find she is lightyears away? That gets to be who you become NOW. You get to become a happy, confident, glowing woman, who knows her worth, who has a beautiful strong family, who has her sh** together, and doesn't apologise for it.
Every day I am so happy because after years and years of studying to become a healthcare worker, I think I have finally realised my true calling in life - and that is to help young mums become their best selves through motherhood.
If you want that for yourself, if you want to feel more connected to your little one/s, and you want to opt-out of the daily struggle to parent your children, watching the clock all day so you can collapse in exhaustion in front of the TV once they're asleep, then I would love more than anything for you to join my free 7-Day Energy Reset Challenge. It's going to be the starting point for you to refresh your old energy, where you battle through motherhood everyday, losing sight of yourself, to feeling renewed and light again, so you can be the happy mum I know you truly want to be.
When I'm not talking to mums online about motherhood or working, you can find me gardening with my kids, cleaning up the house and taking the bins out with them as a team (cos teamwork makes the dream work), or adding play ideas and self-care tips to my Pinterest boards while I catch up on The Summer I Turned Pretty (cos you can never have too much inspo haha).
I would love to hear from you, too. Just leave a comment on my latest Youtube video, or subscribe to my newsletter and hit reply! My inbox is always open.
SPEAK SOON XO
Join the movement
In 7 days, go from constant burn out in mum life, where every day you find yourself counting down the hours to bedtime, to thriving & enjoying family life with no more count downs (I know - I hardly believe it myself!) in under 10 minutes everyday by just purely focusing on YOU!